It's the time of the year. Christmas is coming soon. and I'm always alone on holidays (I mean I don't have a boyfriend at the time) lol is this omen or what? I tend to be alone on Christmas, New Year's Day, Valentine's Day, my birthday, and so on...
Anyway, what I wanted to write today wasn't this Christmas blue hehe There are always memorable places, spots. and one of them was in Picadilly C. tube station, Bakerloo line, a spot where there are ways to northbound and southbound. This was very memorable place to me, because it was a place where my ex kissed me goodbye for the first time in public. He wasn't kind of a guy who didn't do things like this in public. But when he did that, I knew I really liked him. coz I was happy about the fact he didn't care what people would think of two guys kissing in public. I always care what people would think of me, and maybe I'm concerned with my vanity too much.... Anyway, why was I writing this? It's because I come to this spot often recently after a way back from p.t job. But it was special before, but it's nothing. I almost forgot who I kissed. lol maybe it was him? It was always painful for me to come to this place, but now I feel nothing, and no pain at all. that's quite a progress, don't u think? I couldn't get over him for a long time, well, I did eventually, but sometimes I thought about him after I broke up with him. I don't know why that cheating bastard bothered me though lol
For the last 6 or 7months, I made a lot of special memory with my another ex. and it was more precious for me, and there are more memorable places than I ever had with any guys. Like Starbucks became my favourite (well, it was my favourite before, but even more) coz it was a place where I had a cup of coffee with my ex for the first time, Green Park is a place where my ex first spoke to me, and G-A-Y where my ex first kissed me. York where we became a couple... Manchester where he told me he loved me for the first time...a flight to Japan... etc. So many memories, and so many memorable places. We stopped being a couple, but I know for sure I'll never stop loving him unless he finds another love. Well, we had a lot of arguments, fights, but at the end, we loved each other. The timing and geographical location wasn't just good. It would be so easy for him to find a guy like me, well, he doesn't have to find a guy like me for his next b/f, I think there are plenty of better guys. My personality sucks lol so I guess that makes it almost impossible for me to find a guy like him any time soon. and what we had with him is not something I can move on easily, so I won't.
If you could see that I'm the one who understands you Been here all along, so why can't you see? You belong with me
I decided to write this blog in English, because I haven't been using English since I moved to a new place in London. Landlady and her son is really nice, but I only use Japanese to talk to them. It doesn't make any sense if I speak English to her since she is Japanese too. But the other day when I was going downstairs, and I saw her son carrying big box which was delivered to the house, and I said "Are u okay?"... and after I said it, I really felt strange... lol well, he speaks English everyday, but when I speak to him, he always uses polite Japanese(·É¸ì¡Ësince I'm a bit (lol) older than him. but I don't know why English came out of my mouse... kinda funny. maybe because I was watching English dramas? so my brain was probably thinking in English way...
the week has passed so quickly. It's already Thursday, and I had been in bed almost all day past several days.. since I caught a cold. first few days were horrible, and I couldn't sleep well, because my throat was sore. and then next a fever. and finally coughing. But I found out that my ex flatmate was also suffering from a flu at the same time lol coincidence!
but yesterday? I think it was yesterday or maybe tuesday? lol I can't remember when, but my visa arrived! Woo Hoo!! finally! I got post-study workers visa which allows me to stay in the UK for two years without work permit! and I can start working too! The application form for post-study workers visa was really complicated, and I was afraid my application was gonna be denied... but it passed¡³(Žß¢ÏŽß)ŽÉŽÜŽÁޮް޲ I have been relying too much on my parents, and I'm not sure my mum is back to work or she can't work yet, so that means more burden on my father... I'm really feeling guilty, but what I can do now is to do my best to find a job here. it was my dream, and I have a degree now, so i hope things are going to turn out okay. I'm really scared, but I don't have time to hesitate since my family is supporting me financially and emotionally. I'm really grateful for that.
First I have to recover myself from a cold(((((((¤ÃŽ¥¦ØŽ¥)¤ÃŽÌŽÞްŽÝ
and I watched Japanese drama my friend and my ex recommended, ÀµµÁ¤ÎÌ£Êý¡£ and it was really funny as they told me. it's really well made, I think. and I even cried at the last episode. lol well, maybe only that part, but apart from that the story was really really funny. I loved it.
¤³¤ì¶áº¢¤Îtheme song¤Ë¤·¤¿¤¤¤È»×¤¤¤Þ¤¹¡£¾Ð¡Ë ²Î¤Î¤è¤¦¤ÊÁ°¸þ¤¤Ê»ÑÀª¤Ç¼¡¤Î½Ð²ñ¤¤¤Ë¿Ê¤ß¤¿¤¤¤È»×¤¤¤Þ¤¹¡£ ¤Ê¤ó¤«»þ´Öº¹¤Ç¤Á¤¯¤Á¤¯Äˤߤ¬¤¤Ï¤¸¤á¤¿¡£¡£ ¤Á¤ç¤¦¤ÉËã¿ì¤¬Àڤ줿¤«¤Î¤è¤¦¤Ë¡£¾Ð ¸å¤í¤Ð¤Ã¤«¤ê¿¶¤êÊ֤äƤ⤤¤é¤ì¤Ê¤¤¤è¤Í ¤³¤³¤Ç¤¯¤¿¤Ð¤Ã¤Æ¤ë¾ì¹ç¤¸¤ã¤Ê¤¤¡£ Get a grip ¤È¤â¢¡£
something I shouldn't have done, I was avoiding it, but I checked my ex's new diary entry. there was something written I didn't really want to read. I knew it wasn't gonna be easy for us both, but I made a decision. So I have to deal with whatever consequences there are... but at least, I'm glad to know that he is moving on to the next guy. I thought there was a future with him, as he asked me to marry him. but the timing was bad, and maybe it wasn't meant to be after all. and there was nothing I could do because he never trusted me Even if I didn't do anything, he accused.. I think the relationship is based on trust, and if there was no trust, then there was nothing. Well, it was probably my fault too, maybe. because I kinda forced him into a relationship when I was in York. Maybe he didn't want it. I guess it's time for me to move on too. But at least I want to be proud of myself for being faithful, and finally knowing the meaning of love, what it feels like to really love someone. Probably before, I was trying to convince myself that I love the guy, because I had made love. and maybe I was using making love as a tool to fall in love with previous guys. this time was different, because I got to know him, and then I fell in love. This was the first time I had ever been with a guy I really cared about. so technically it was my first love. that's a big progress for me, don't u think? I hope I will meet someone as good as him. let's hope that I just haven't met you yet!